question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
