U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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