singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
