I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
FUCK WHALES
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
