I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
