Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
