I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
