i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
