I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize