she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
