I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
