If that was your dad, he is hot
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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