She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
