Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
