you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
