ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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