Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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