I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So squirting runs in the family.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
