YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
