I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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