U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize