I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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