sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize