i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
