Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
