walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
