i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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