You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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