Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
