Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize