Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
