i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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