She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize