you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
