One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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