My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
