there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i now understand why vodka
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
