I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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