she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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