Jerry, you need to find god
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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