I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
