omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
