we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
