Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
