Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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