The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
