im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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