Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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