Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
