he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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