So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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