Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
