he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
