why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
