I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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