i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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