Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
