I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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