I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
