sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
