a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
