tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
