I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
