I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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