We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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