Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
MIDGETS
????
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
