Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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