You really coming over, don't trick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
