If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
