God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
