woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
