Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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