shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
