ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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