yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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