is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
