I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
